Thursday, May 10, 2007

Thinking Through the Busy Money Blur...

Modern man is frantically trying to earn enough
to buy things he's too busy to enjoy.
-Frank A. Clark

Money. Sheesh. Nothing can get us as frantic as money, huh? Trying to earn enough. Save enough. Make it stretch far enough (then maybe a bit farther). Money. Sheesh.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Caught between a hated career that pays the bills and an impatient dream that doesn't (for a while anyway), I'm left wondering: what's really important to me? How am I really spending my days? And why... why does such a huge chunk of our lives have to be devoted to staying ahead of bills? Today I feel like a gerbil on a wheel. Sure, I'm working my heart out, but am I getting anywhere?

These past few weeks have been a blur. A pretty, busy, money blur. Money comes in and money goes out. Things are bought and things are sold. Days begin and quickly end. Outside - in my neglected garden - strawberries are ripe and arugula is going to seed and rain drops are dripping from pillowy, unfurled roses. I hardly notice. I'm too busy. I have an oil and gas business. It's all a blur.

I hate that I'm so busy. I feel guilty for all the things I should be doing but neglect for the sake of earning money. Joyce's son just got shot by a sniper in Iraq; I should be taking her flowers. My Grandfather has Parkinson's and isn't doing so well; I should be watching the Rangers with him. Sue, Jen, and Dawn have all been promised packages. The library needs more volunteers; I should be helping out down the street....

Sorry to pile my mountains on you. Maybe I just need more (or less) caffeine. It's just lately I'm thinking: if it all were to suddenly stop... if it all were to suddenly end... what would I regret the most: not earning more money, or not taking garden roses to Joyce?

I feel a change coming very soon....

I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful. Marilyn Monroe


smilnsigh said...

It's amazing how many of us, are contemplating similar topics, now. How we spend our time, is one sort-of all-purpose basket for many 'wonderings' I've read ~ and put in my own blog.

Your entry has to do with, how we spend our time, to make our living. Someone else's dealt with truly commited to spending time to find out who she really is. I wanted to learn how to pay attention to the moment, and especially ~ how to notice all the beauty/joy which my moments can bring.

At the same time knowing that life is make up of both joyful moments and very un-joyful ones. But! I want to notice the joy! When it presents itself. Not just BIG joy. Little, teeny, tiny joys tooooo.

Is it Spring? Does the coming of this Seasonal change, make us more aware of life-stuff?

I wish you well with your 'wonderings.' I wish us all well, with our 'wonderings.'

And I especially wish Joyce well and courage, in dealing with her worry for her son. I worry about him too, and about all our strong military who do so much, to keep us safe/secure at home.

And I salute Joyce too! It is not only our military who serve. It is also their family, loved ones and friends, who serve. They serve by supporting their military and worrying about them and writing to them and sending them packages, showing them that they are not forgotten.

And we who enjoy such freedom/security at home... we should not forget, either. Hugs, hugs, hugs to her. Please pass my sentiments on to her.


MyLifeWithTrent said...

Oh Brin, I have had the same kind of thoughts the last few days. And deciding to let some things go (I had been praying for discernment in that arena) has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! I have so much peace about my decision- and it was almost instantaneous. I was looking at a line-up of thank you's across my windowsill the other day (my AWANA girls and some friends) and the Lord quietly spoke to me, "See? I have a ministry for you, let the other things go." Ah yes, Lord, just a closer walk with Thee,grant it Jesus is my plea...

Kathleen Grace said...

I can certainly understand how you feel. I posted something similar yesterday on my blog. I once did a Bible study that dealt with the "tyrany of the urgent" and how all the things we must do overshadow the things we ought to do or want to do. It is hard to control that tyrany and find the balance we need because the urgent stuff demands most of our energy.
I hope that we all can learn to balance the urgent with the things we really want to do with our lives.

Anonymous said...

I can really relate to that - especially since my only child is finishing his first year of high school...and thinking that in 3 years he will be moving on to just goes too fast. I have been wondering lately if the "extra" money I earn working is worth it right now....

Unknown said...

Life choices, they are always with us, all of us have felt this way more times than not. But I do believe everything happens for a reason when it should. When in doubt, think of the alternative, you could be disabled and not able to do anything? Sure we take on more than we can handle in a reasonable amount of time, but we always get it done! Change is good, and needed at times, just allow yourself to feel it and enjoy it. You are blessed with a wonderful life Brin, just take baby steps! One day at a time is all you can do! Hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

Your roses are gorgeous. I just want to come over and see your garden and look at the letters. I hope I can come there soon. Auntie M

Anonymous said...

This is a very important reflection. Thanks for this reminder tonight.

Anonymous said...

Hi Brin, I'm Analise! I just got your handmade rose, Linda Beth...she is awesome!

I totally relate to your thoughts about money vs. everything else. :0)

I am in the same boat, only I have 3 kids to add to the pile of worries. I have recently been feeling the same way about starting the business, etc.

It is soo much more work than I had expected. It feels good to be doing what I love, but when is it really going to pay off??? Hmmm, I wonder.

I sometimes feel isolated and alone...then I read that I am so not the only one! Thank God we all have each other to lean on and support.

You do beautiful work...God Bless everything you put your hands to!