The Jeep goes tomorrow. I just took a drive in it, that dusty, crazy ride, and cried a bit. In the past three years I've put over 90,000 miles on it - my companion during endless headlights and highways. It's carried me from trips into adventures. But Jeep costs me over $700 a month, a price I can no more control than carry. Tomorrow it's gone.
This week has been littered with moments of culling. The power went Monday, prompting a frantic calling in of loans and I-owe-yous. It delayed cookie orders and deliveries, pushing my stomach into knots. I got it turned back on with $4 to spare. That's about the time my sewing machine broke, delaying orders and apron and market tote designs. Thankfully my Mom drove into town with my old one, swapped the machines out, and took the clattering, spitting one away. Then I had only to deal with the DVD player, which, after the power was cut off, wouldn't turn back on. No big deal, except it had a Netflix DVD in it which I need to return so they don't charge me for another month. I tried to unscrew it, planning to ease the movie out, but was shaking so badly I couldn't coax out the screws. I ended up outside, banging the thing against concrete steps until it flew to pieces and gave up the disc. Then I just yelled. I yelled and yelled and yelled until I sunk into a heap of sobs.
God, I prayed, these heavy things that can't fly - come get them. Please take them. Take the things that are weighing so heavily on my heart, and then give me an open, eager heart to embrace the new... to embrace possibility.
Perhaps, just perhaps - as I let go of what I'm holding and stretch empty hands into the unassuming blue - I'm giving myself a chance to soar.
She gave herself a chance to soar. And really, is there anything better?
(By the way, I'm still overwhelmed with emails, and now Etsy conversations, as people as have tried that as a "faster" way through. I figured that if, somehow, I can get through 100 messages a day I can get caught up in a week. It's the getting-through-100-a-day that I can't quite manage right now. I appreciate everyone's continued patience as I make an effort to get back with you all.)