Thursday, March 22, 2007

Osh Squash B'gosh

Show me your garden
and I shall tell you what you are.
-Alfred Austin

Okay, it's time you hear the squash story.

Let me preface by saying this: that the Tale of the Butternut Squash was not my first foray into small town grocery store shopping. One of my first posts ever was called Adventures in Adjusting, and still makes me laugh so hard I have to cross my legs really tightly when I read it.

Ahem. Anyway, the Tale of the Butternut Squash. It goes something like this: one cold, cold winter day, I was sitting in the study, bundled up in a quilt, when a recipe for butternut squash risotto appeared on FoodNetwork. Instantly, I became obsessed with making it, convinced it would warm me heart and soul and coax me out of my beef stew rut. It was 3 p.m.

I put on four extra pairs of socks and rushed to our small town grocery store. I should have known better. "Where are you hiding the butternut squash, Larry?" I ask our "produce" guy. Larry stares at me, dumb stricken. (I honestly think he's scared of me.)

"Um, Brin," he says, slowly, "I've told you bifore, this ain't Dalllas. We don't carry thet faancy squarsh."

"It's not fancy, Larry," I moaned. "It's just like summer squash and zucchini, only better. I bet you'd sell it if you would just put some out."

Gosh. Adventures in Adjusting, here we go again. So I get in the car and drive. I drive an hour and rush into Wal-Mart. I look high and low. No butternut squash. "Osh squash b'gosh," I mutter in frustration. I almost start to cry.

Ten minutes later, I'm back in the car. I drive another hour. Kroger is my next victim. And whatdya know. I find one shriveled, half-slimy, organic butternut squash. The total comes to $7 for one squash. By now I don't care. Sold!

It was 10 p.m. when I got back to Freeman House. Butternut squash didn't even sound that good anymore. Nevertheless, I roasted that sucker and made risotto. And I must say, it was pretty tasty.

I was still sore about whole squash conquest, though. As I cleaned up the mess, I eyed those slimy seeds. "You are the last butternut squash I will ever buy," I growled through clenched teeth. I carefully washed those seeds, blotted them, and laid them on paper towels. Then I walked away.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I was sticking anything that resembled a seed into my organic seed mix. Remembering my squash oath, I found those seeds, and although they looked pretty lame, I jabbed them into dirt, splashed them with water, and begged them to sprout....


Today is butternut squash planting day, my friends. I loaded the pretties onto my old vegetable carry-all, and in rather dramatic Gone With the Wind fashion, swept my hand over my forehead and yelled, "With God as my witness, I will never go hungry... for butternut squash... again!"

Huh. Small town life. Osh squash b'gosh....


Deb said...

Thank you Brin for such a good laugh! :-)) I started by going to your Adventures in Adjusting link and I will never be able to look at a box of "baking soda" without thinking "bacon soda" again :-)) That is tooooo funny!!
Have a wonderful "butternut squash planting day".

Portrait of Peter said...

Brin, that was absolutely brilliant - I just luv the "post".

One has to admire your determination - and success paid off in the end!!

"Delightful photo of your "butternut squash" nuturing!!

"One's obsession - is another's "don't have".

May you dream of your next "butternut squash" moment - hope you will share it too?

Blessings from Scotland.

Beemoosie said...

Brin, what a great story teller you are!!! And yea for you getting those suckers to grow!!! I have got to go back and read more!!

Beemoosie said...

Omigosh!!! I just went back to the adjusting link!!! My family thinks it be time I'm committed!!! LOL!! You had me and Giada skinny butt!

~~Mikki Jo said...

Very nice pictures, and I've really enjoyed your story. I look forward to my next trip back here!!
~~Blessings, Mikki

Anonymous said...

i've read this post and that Adjusting link 4 times already, it is so great. this has to be one of my favorite blog posts of all time. connie

Beach Girl said...

Brin, I'm so glad I found your Blog!

I just read the Adjusting post and could relate completely. The only difference between your home and mine is that my Wal-Mart is 65 miles away and people her don't have that Texas twang. However, the old timers do have a certain something (dialect? accent?) that sometimes makes you say, "Huh?" For example, if it's high tide, they say it's "Hoi Toid." It's unique and the O'Cockers over on Ocracoke Island are sometimes very difficult for me to understand.

Thanks for the great stories which brought smiles and laughter.


Alison said...

I will never look at butternut squash again without a grin on my face. Great story and love the baby squash plants.

a woman who is said...

An hour to each store? Wow, I am impressed by your determination, and especially your squash plants!
Have you ever tried the butternut squash ravioli recipes? They always sound good to me, but alas I have not tried them or the risotto. I am inspired to plant one butternut squash plant. I have a baby garden so there is not a whole lot of room. But I think one plant may fit nicely between some Austin Roses I have in the back :>)
Fun story, fun blog, thanks for sharing.