Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Relapse Day, or Better This Than Chocolate...

Today I'd wanted to show you pictures of a little Christmas present I've been working on. I took some cute pictures over the weekend and got them cropped and ready to use and then, of course, I deleted them last night in an organizational frenzy.

I decided, just now, that no matter how much I will myself to be okay, I'm still... sad. Not despondent or losing the faith or anything like that. Oh no. I'm just sad. It'll ease with time, right?

Your sweet letters and comments just keep coming. I can't say how grateful I am. For each and every one. It's helping as I meander through these days of sadness. Thanks.

Of course, getting the new Anthropologie catalog helped, too. I looked through the winter coats and decided I just had to have the scarf and hat that went with the Mary Jane ensemble. No matter that the price was outrageous and taxes are due October 15th. None of that mattered to me sometime last week around 3:30 a.m., when I sat all red-eyed and shaky, clicking like a mad woman. So I ordered the shockingly expensive scarf and hat, ignoring the responsible, reasonable angel on my shoulder and heeding the, "You have a little gift card and your cat just died" devil on the other.

So what does a woman who's lost her marriage, her job, and her beloved cat - all in the last nine months - do when she reaches breaking point? This one buys winter gear, apparently.

Gosh, even my eyes look sad.

But hey. Really. There are worse things to blow money on, right? Better this than chocolate.


Elenka said...

"I" would look ridiculous in that hat, but you don't, that's for sure. And the was the right thing to do. 'Better this than chocolate??" Now, let's not get carried away! Both are pretty good!!
I give my 2 kitties extra hugs these days...
Thanks, Brin.

Anonymous said...

Oh Brin you are so beautiful and the hat and scarf look divine on you! A girl has to treat herself once in deserve to.

It's okay to be sad for a 'season' but remember 'joy comes in the morning.'
love and hugs...

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

Sigh... for me it is spending way too much for coffee at Starbucks and buying a new book.

For about a month after we had to have Storm put to sleep, I kept thinking I was forgetting something or had misplaced something because there was such a vacuum there.

There is still a hole in my heart that will be patched someday when we get a couple kittens (not while Sasha is with us, though).

However, they will never replace Storm, just make their own place in my heart and I'm sure the same thing will happen with you.

I don't know why God has allowed such sadness to come your way. There are no easy answers. Just don't give up on Him. :)

We've never met in real life and only met recently in this vast void called "the Net" but I can still keep you in prayer.

BellaColle said...

You are soo pretty!! and here is another hug!!
It will all be okay and if you splurge... it will be okay as well..

Anonymous said...

Hi Brin, I have been enjoying your blog for a couple of months now and would like to say you have blessed me with your insight and interpretations of scripture. you have a real knack for writing too and I have many of the same interests as you. so much of the time when I am reading your opinions on things I am thinking "Yeah, that's right" or '"yeah, me too, me too!" But anyway, the thing that really touched me lately is what you are going through with your loss. I, too, like you and so many many other people lost a precious furry member of our family. Our cocker spaniel, Sasha, was 15 years old when we had to let her go, two years ago. I still miss her so much. I can think of her without crying now but I still have those pangs of sadness sometimes. I just know even though it hurts so bad to lose a pet, it is still worth the joy they bring when you have them. So please just hang in there. Your sadness will ease in awhile, it just takes time..

Mary said...

Anthropologie catalogs will help calm the soul with their beauty - but they sure can do a job on the checkbook! And the stores - so fabulous, Phila. being my favorite so far. The hat and scarf are definitely you Brin - beautiful photo.

I hope October will really be a more peaceful month for you. You will still mourn for some time yet, but you are strong, and your faith will support you at this difficult time.
Hugs - Mary.

Becky K. said...

You have been through a lot. If you are just buying a hat and scarf you are doing well!

...chocolate wouldn't be bad, either... lol

You look great! Hang in and see what God has in store for you...I'll bet it is custom made for you and will fit just like that cute hat!

Becky K.

Lucy said...

Your hat looks awesome! It is so cute. and you are beautiful. I am sure joy will come back!!

Lucy ,
The Netherlands

Kathleen Grace said...

I just want you to know I have been praying for you:>)

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you might benefit from some one to talk to (medical)what with all of the sad things that have happened to you. You need to be with people; I hope you are.
You look very cute in your new winter outfit.
My best wishes for you.

Terri Steffes said...

You are smashing in this hat. Yes, the pain does gradually go away, to be replaced by a different kind of sadness, of missing. Missing is hard, too, but not so devastating as sadness.

PS I'll bet you keep that scarf and hat all your life... it will be quite the bargain in the long run.

Seawashed said...

You are so beautiful Brin...the hat & scarf are well worth the it because you are glowing in them.

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved kitty. There is a time to mourn sweetie, so let the tears flow and don't apologize. The LORD has given you a very passionate & caring heart...your sorrow shows that. He draws near the brokenhearted. You are dearly loved.

Unknown said...

Oh sweet Brin, a treat now and then is alright, but choclate is just as good! lol I wouldn't look good either in that hat but you sure do look amazing, I thought it was a photo from the catalog! I kinda figured your pain had more to it, as I've been there all three times like you, and yes, time does heal and treating yourself always helps! Hugs!!
P.S. I'm making those meatballs tonight for supper, can't wait! Thanks again!!

Amy said...

I didn't realize you'd been through so much. It's interesting to me how much I've been wondering about people I "once knew". I hope we see you soon so we can give you a big hug.


Debe said...

I spend too much time reading blogs these days but on another that I follow, that lady has suffered some losses. On her blog the other day she posted: "When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.
~Author Unknown
Made me think of you. Bless your heart! The hat/scarf are perfect on you and the eyes....they'll shine again. Just breathe in and out...prayers for u!

Ann said...

Brin, as I thought about you and the losses you've faced during the last year I was reminded of this quote:

"Don't doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light."

God showed you wonderful things when life was going "well". I pray that you'll hold on to those things and that God will continue to surround you in his loving arms.