Wednesday, October 6, 2010

End Chapter.

God cannot give us happiness and peace
apart from Himself because it is not there.
There is no such thing.
-C.S. Lewis

That was my mistake, you know. Thinking God was a hobby and not the whole.

We could talk for hours. I could blow your mind with the stories, sadness, and salvation that has been my life. I stop and look over my shoulder at the past four years and can hardly believe where I've been. I can't believe, quite honestly, that I made it through. It's only by the hand of a God Who never gives up. Who never lets go. Who never turns away. Who knows just how much you can take.

And mercifully, as you glimpse the lights of How Much You Can Takeville from where you are, He steps in. He turns your mourning into dancing.

I've lost considerably these past four years. And I'm not a "bounce back" kind of person. It takes me forever just to process things. Then I have to start dealing. I listed it all the other day... my losses... and sat and stared at the page. I stared and stared and felt my eyes burn hot. And somewhere down deep, I felt a small cry, flickering like a flame. I felt it snap and burn until it exploded, rushing its way out of my heart, up through my throat and out of my trembling mouth. It was the most gut-wrenching, mournful scream I've ever heard. I screamed and screamed... and when the scream finally turned to shouted, hardly coherent words, all that tumbled out was: We survived this. You saw me through.

It took me an hour to stop shaking.

I know sin. I know disobedience. I know rebellion. I know discipline. I also know redemption.

And now, because of His grace... I know a new day.

How about turning this page with me to the next chapter?

30 comments:

Sue said...

Dear Brin, I can't wait to read about the next chapter! I have so appreciated your sharing through all of the ups and downs. Our struggles may not be the same but I am so thankful He is always there to see each of us through.
Sue

Vintage Girl said...

Page turned....new chapter....((((HUGS)))) Heather

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

We're with you--waiting to see, hoping with you and cheering you on!

wanderingbtrfly said...

Beautifully honest.

Connie said...

Bless you, sweet Brin.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I will be here, praying for you along the way. :)

When we were going through years of pain and trial (like losing our house and the entire family living in one room of a hotel where our ankles had flea bites), I would find myself sobbing on my knees.

Now when people tell me they envy my faith and my peace and wish they had the same, I tell them they probably would not want to go through the years that brought it.

There is just something about looking back when you have gone through hurricane strength trials and finding yourself still standing with His help.

I tell my family often, there is a reason we throw our crowns at His feet.

Becky K. said...

Sounds great to me! I am so happy that you see HIM even through the pain.

I'll be looking forward to watching your next big project get built. A new home....the best!

Becky K.

FlowerLady said...

Wow. It is so wonderful knowing He is with us at all times and loves us unconditionally.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Sue@CountryPleasures said...

I've been with you from the start, I'm with you, and I can't wait to see where your journey goes....you are such a inspiration Brin, blessings abound!

Debbie said...

I just shared this with my husband. We are lots older than you; in fact, our daughter is your age. But our last few years have been pretty horrendous too. This summer has been probably the worst of our lives. But we are ready to join you in "turning the page." Let's see what the new chapter holds!

Adrienne said...

Oh, Brin - I'm right there ready to turn the page with you. I have believed all along that God has something so spectacular planned for you. Now let's see what it is together! Thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart. Praying for you to see the next step. Soon!
~Adrienne~

twentysomethinggirl said...

So excited to open the next chapter with you, Brin. We've shared so many similar heartbreaks over the past few years (albeit through blogging) but I'm so looking forward to seeing what happens next. God has a plan, even if we can't see it.

the lady of the house said...

Just read about your :)LAND:) So excited for you and so ready to see what kind of fabulousness you've been cooking up while Our sweet Lord was mending your heart and preparing you for...

the next chapter.

Happy Day w/ Him, The Lady

Clint said...

My gosh, how I love humility and honesty. God will strengthen all of us who believe---but he will do it as fire strengthens steel, as heat and pressure turn coal to diamonds. We come out stronger, and all we have to do is trust in Him and have faith and BELIEVE. Beautiful writing. God bless you.

Kristie @ Comfy Cozy said...

I'm ready and wating to read the next chapter! :)

Kristine said...

I love the faith you have. We've had over 2 years of trials and tough times. its exhausting and I'm beginning to feel that it will never end. I've prayed for faith that I feel I'm losing. Reading your blog never fails to teach me. Thank you.

chunnym said...

I am excited to turn the page and follow along with you on this wonerful journey. I can't wait for pictures..... : )

Bluebird49 said...

Oh, I am so, so very ready to turn this page.

Tara said...

new day. new seasons.

hugs,
tara

jAne said...

and now ... you bloom. :o)

Kathleen Grace said...

Bless you Brin, the next chapter holds God's best for you, I'm just sure of it. You've had a tough row to hoe, as we say, but God never leaves us, and he sees us through. Praying for your next chapter to be a bestseller:>)

Vee said...

You write in a way that makes me feel as if I had lived that moment. Perhaps it's one of the universal truths that we all recognize. Eager to see where you're going next or, better said, where you're being led next. One thing's certain, I'll be tagging along...

Shari said...

praise the Lord!

Laurel said...

sometimes i think God created words just because He knew people like you would know how to use them.

this. was. beautiful.

Bluebird49 said...

"That was my mistake, you know. Thinking God was a hobby and not the whole."

I had to come back and tell you---I'm waiting to hear more!!

Cathy said...

Brin,

How wonderful that you are moving on. You are so very strong and we are all witnesses to the great things being done in your life. I am thrilled about the land and the cottage/cabin! Keep moving forward! On to the next adventure. Hugs....Cathy

Honey said...

Are you going to put a little cottage like the ones you told us about awhile ago on your land? I loved those homes! I wanted to tell you I finally made your apple pie filling recipe. I just baked a pie using it and it is sooo wonderful! So, thank you for posting it so long ago for little ole me. I appreciate it very much! And, I will be reading along rooting for you and your new chapter. Hugs, Shann

Sandy said...

Hello Brin, I am truly ready for a new chapter in my life and know what you mean.
I hope you find your camera! You will!

Lydiann said...

I have been there, too. I am ready for a new day, a new view -- life through improved eyes. I have known the Lord for 50 years now. The struggles are different, yet somehow the same. He is faithful. He is always faithful. Great is His Faithfulness! Amen and Amen.

Annie

Alena said...

Dear Brin, I can't believe what I just read - you could have taken the words out of my mouth! Or, at least, out of my dreams. I don't know your story, so I don't seek comparison, but I too have lost much and the last four years have been some of the hardest of my entire life. I am still looking for that road to redemption; I would humbly ask that you pray for me. I am making some major changes in my life right now, and I hope to join you in renewal soon *hugs* I am so excited for you, and can't wait to see what blessings come into your life!