Thursday, October 30, 2008

Soul Stirrings


Might be a quarter-life crisis. Or just a stirring in my soul. Either way, I headed home this week. Home to where I grew up. I remember being 17 - about to leave for college - and swinging my legs off that old dock and praying that time would hurry and take me somewhere. And now I've been and returned and am not sure what to do next.


I really must be going through a quarter-life crisis. But I think sometimes you have to wander through some brambles and stickers to get where you're going.


And I think at the end we'll find that obstacles weren't really obstacles at all... they were milestones. They proclaimed our progress. They witnessed our way.


I find that all my dreams are coming up short as funding runs out. Frustrating and distressing beyond words. I'm sure most of us have felt that pain. I've found it does help if you have faith. Faith and a faithful little brown dog with you on your way, to walk ahead of you and sniff things out...

Even when she doesn't want to come in at the end of the day. Even when you have to convince her to sit alongside you in your mother's livingroom, wrapped in a quilt, looking out onto a starlit, cold night.

Must be a quarter-life crisis. Just a simple stirring of my soul....

16 comments:

Sue@CountryPleasures said...

Oh Brin, I wish I could give you a hug! I know it doesn't help to say, we've all been there, or that your still young, because you are wiser than your years and I know in times like this, company isn't always wanted. But you have the most powerful gift of all, your faith! I'm buying a lottery ticket tomorrow just for you! Did that make you laugh? LOL Everything happens for a reason, hang in there and keep Millie close! Hugs!!

"scrappy"lady said...

Brin,
I found your blog about a week ago and spent the whole day ( Sunday) reading and weeping. You've touched my soul! You have such a beautiful way with words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, faith, and life with others. Whoever came up with this blogging idea was a genius. How inspirational it can be to share in anothers journey. Thank you for sharing yours. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Wendy

Susan said...

How about some oil brokering ? I had the sense that that job paid well .. I could be wrong though.

These sure are hard financial times for many of us and I have found comfort knowing that I'm not alone in these struggles. Maybe you will too.

Thank goodness for the sweet brown dog !

Cori G. said...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...even when your dreams fall short.

Heritage of Home said...

Dearest Brin, "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"Phillipians 1:3-6

I couldn't help it, I just needed to share the scripture that came to my mind when I read your recent post. I am sure you have friends, and yet feel like you don't. I have been through a divorce. It was at age 17. A very posessive man. No, I wasn't pregnant. Just scared to not do everything he said. Needless to say, I left him when he tried to kill me. I went back to school. I had to go down a grade because I had quit when he wouldn't let me go anymore. So, Long-long story short...the Lord saved me. It sounds crazy. But I do have a very Jerry Springer type family. Praise the Lord in Heaven He saved me! I was so confused at age 18. Newly divorced, scared of every man that would even look at me. But the Lord sent me someone. Even though I told God I was willing to live as a catholic nun! Am I catholic? No. I wasn't sure what I was. I just knew I needed the Lord and no one else! So, I asked...not for a boyfriend or husband. But for someone to follow as they followed Christ. Ya know? Like Paul said. And not only did He send someone who wanted to follow Jesus...He sent the one who I would marry. And now he is a pastor, and the father of our six children. I am not saying all this to just say it. I just wanted you to know that here is someone who had that quarter life crisis at age 18. And the Lord sent a preacher! Of course my husband didn't know then he was going to be a preacher, but I had a feeling.
"For God is my record, how greatly I long for you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; that you may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ;" Phillipians 1:8-10
God Bless You Brin. I am praying for you!heritageofhome@homeschoolblogger

Lisa said...

Hugs to you, Brin. You will regroup and rebound. You seem spunky like that! God Bless.

betty r said...

Have a great weekend Brin, I'll be remembering you in my prayers.

twentysomethingwoman said...

Brin, go get this book, Twenty-Something, Twenty-Everything by Christine Hassler. It's a great read about the struggles of us quarter-lifers and the author is a Christian, so her writing is largely spiritually-motivated.

Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

Very lovely and thought provoking post. You'll make it, my dear, I have confidence in you ... as you already do in yourself. Millie looks so good running around and checking everything out. She's such a good girl and a good friend to you. xxoo

thedomesticfringe said...

Dreams do not have to be lost...maybe just delayed. You're doing a wonderful job with house. Great things take time.

Lindy said...

If I had a dock like that... I think I'd just want to sit there forever. :)

Claire said...

I also had a soul stirring moment yesterday. Thank you for the perspective you have given me... obstacles as milestones.

Greta said...

I just started reading your blog and am amazed. I admire your writing ability, your talent in crafts, your reading list, and an old home to fix up WOW! Add to it your faith in God and you are now on my "who I want to be when I grow up" list. I'd love to be your friend. Keep writing! I'll be reading.

DoubleDog Mom said...

Brin, going through my own quarter-life crisis, sorry to hear you've come down with it too. I'm really frustrated right now, because I know God has something awesome planned for me, I just don't feel any direction.

So I'm acting aimlessly and biding my time in a job that's killing me by inches.

A book that God threw at me a couple of weeks ago that has helped is When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd. It's very good, I was surprised by the book. God seems to talk to me a lot in Barnes and Noble :)

Anyway, I'm sure we'll all find our way through. Thanks for sharing what's going on in your life.

debbie bailey said...

Hey Brin,

I've found that at many different stages of life you go through a 'crisis' of sorts. I've learned that on the other side looking back, it was another step heavenward. It's hard to see that during the time though.

But after going through many, many of these times, I've learned to just try to be quiet and let God do His good work in me; whatever it is.

This time of year I always turn melancholy and get homesick. I pack up the bags and kids and head to Tennessee for a visit at the old homeplace.

My daughter, Laurel, her three boys, my ten-year-old daughter, and I just returned from a week in Williamsburg, VA and Tennessee. Sometime during the trip I mentioned to Laurel that I was so discontent. She said, "Mom, you always get that way this time of the year." "Oh yeah," I remembered. It's getting easier every year, because I know it'll pass. Taking that trip home really helps though.

That's a beautiful farm you grew up on. Is that in Texas too?

Sara said...

Thanks for sharing these pictures. I really needed them today. I just about had a meltdown this afternoon. A few days ago, I started to notice a large lump of stress that just wasn't getting relieved. I chalked it up to PMS since my doc said I'm already ovulating again... (Not fair! I'm still actively nursing every three hours except for the 9 hours of sleep we now get at night...) Anyway, back to my point... I really needed to get out of the house with Jake today, without Ginny. She is precious, and I love her with everything I have, but as a 2 year old who has decided she wanted to start potty-training, she tends to cause much stress. I just don't get a chance to get out much, and with the life we live out here on the other side of the world, trying to adapt everyday to new struggles and ALWAYS trying to improve our ability to speak the language so we don't sound like toddlers ourselves when we talk to our neighbors, I was really feeling the cabin-fever and the stress was rolling downhill, collecting debris as it went, and growing exponentially... So when Ginny started to refuse to go with her babysitter today and ran and hid in her bedroom, all I could do was cry. I wasn't even a bit embarrassed when NT came in the room to try to help, and started asking in Turkish why I was crying and how could she help... All I could do was sit and cry... Couldn't respond... All of my Turkish ability left me at that point... Ginny eventually did go with NT and her husband, and Jake and I strapped on Rosser and we went to get Ginny her first Christmas present of the year. But wanting to feel known is a craving and sitting here, looking at your pictures, remembering... ah... that's good salve for my heart. Remembering clambering over in that pasture right over there, on top of hay bales... yeah that was the last time we did it because your grandmother told us about how snakes get in there to stay warm... And that beautiful big ol' tree... For some reason it specifically reminds me of running around in the dark, hiding, looking for some colored bandana, trying to tag someone to let them out of "jail..." Remembering how Kirk scared the living out of me at that bonfire we had; remember how loud I screamed?? Having a friend that's been around as long as you have reminds me that I am "known," even if you aren't sitting here in my living room with me... But I remember when you were... And it makes me smile.
Love you to pieces! I'm gonna sit and drink these pictures a little while longer...