Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Postcard From My Heart, No. 2

Some situations and conversations this week leave me focusing on the overruling, faithful hand of a God who never forsakes, never fails and never stops loving. This, then, I suppose, is a week of postcards and letters from my heart to certain people who have shared and are sharing my life. I post them here in hopes that someone might recognize or relate to my struggles and take encouragement from the realization that we are never, ever alone and we are always, without fail, valued. -Brin



Dear Disappointed,

I heard you.
In the lines I read
between what you said
I found all your expectations:
high, specific... but yours.
Not mine.
Thank goodness I spotted them;
I think they were misplaced.

So I'm a "disappointment".
So there is
a mold I don't fit -
a pattern I didn't follow -
a road I'll never travel.
My mistake.
The rules weren't clear,
but I doubtlessly would have broken them anyway
in a rush to board my roller coaster.

Foolish me.
Careless, characterless, disappointment me.
I should be ashamed.
You need me to be ashamed.

Only... I'm not.
Only... I might not ever be.
For when I look in the mirror I see
a flawed person who was flawlessly made.
An imperfect child who is perfectly loved.
A ridiculous girl with a ridiculously forgiving God.
When I look in the mirror I glimpse the most
wondrous of things:
that He who began a good work in me
will carry it on until completion.

So I acknowledge the name tag you filled out
and want me to wear -
the one that reads:
HI. MY NAME IS DISAPPOINTMENT.
Forgive me if I peel it off my heart
and wear this one instead.
It's the one my heavenly Father wrote. It says:
HI. MY NAME IS DELIGHT.

For while I am different, I am loved.
While I am needy, I am accepted.
And while I am guilty - because of His sacrifice -
I am not condemned.

Oh.
Before I go, I thought I'd show
you the name tag I wrote for you.
Here. Let me put it over your heart. It says:
HI. MY NAME IS LOVED REGARDLESS.

I love you regardless of how you see me.

Your Disappointment,
Brin

28 comments:

Stefanie Davis82 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Mad said...

WOW!!! This finds it's way into my journal to be read - over and over and over!!!
Thanks, Brin.
Blessings,
~Mad(elyn) in Alabama

carla said...

Looks like we've been thinking about the same thing, although I'm not quite as eloquent. One of my favorite bloggers said something breathtakingly cruel recently. And then one of the comments left here on your site left me....well, it didn't leave me. It seemed rather snarky. And I think that's sad, especially when someone is down. That's why I was afraid my comment had been taken out of context. It's just not good to put rock in the trough of the other sheep.

Life At Camellia Cottage said...

Wow! Thank you so much for reminding me I am both fearfully and wonderfully made, and loved beyond measure despite my imperfections. My earthly father left us just a few weeks ago, but I've never felt alone because my heavenly Father has been holding my hand all the while. Although some people won't, or maybe can't understand Him, He understands them and loves them even more - because of and despite their imperfections! Keep those postcards coming! Becky

Missy K said...

I cannot tell you the grief it would have saved me if I had learned years ago to gently refuse to wear the name tags other have made for me.

And to only wear the description written by the One who calls me by name.

LLJ said...

beautiful and meaningful. Sad yet so full of hope. Thank you.
Leanne

redeemed diva said...

Wow! Once again, you are so brave to put your heart out there, and so mature to decide to love regardless.

Threeblindsheep said...

My children were blessed with a pastor that taught them: No matter what you do, No matter what you say, God Loves You!
I love this poem/letter. I will be adding it to all the things I collect and hold on to that reminds me that what I see isn't all there is to who I am or to whom I belong.
Thank you for sharing! Wonderful post.

Sissy said...

What words. I love the words. And the sentiment behind it, since we all find ourselves in this spot once in awhile.

Sue@CountryPleasures said...

So true! You are such a blessing!

fairmaiden said...

I just wrote a post on my blog this week about 'not being alone'...that I am not alone, that we are not alone. You are not alone, Brin...we are together in this. Bless you<3

And you are not a disappointment, but definetly a DELIGHT!!!

fairmaiden said...

I just wrote a post on my blog this week about 'not being alone'...that I am not alone, that we are not alone. You are not alone, Brin...we are together in this. Bless you<3

And you are not a disappointment, but definetly a DELIGHT!!!

tara said...

Thank you for the reminders of how our Savior views us.

I have for the first time in my 29 years of life doubted my faith this week. It has been so hard for us.

I was touched by what you wrote - the Father used to speak to me.

I was also for some reason or another reminded about that Footprints in the Sand writing. I feel like right now I'm in that place asking God - "where are you...when I'm needing you most??" Although my faltering faith is a disappointment to him - I am thankful he still views us broken treasures as delights.

cindy lou said...

i have been following your story for awhile. it is too bad that some people feel the need to tell us how we are not measuring up when the only One whose opinion matters tells us to come as we are.

your postcard reminds me of the book "hinds feet in high places", where the character "much afraid" goes on a journey of pain and self discovery, and learns to abandon herself to her Creator. by going through this process she too receives a new name -- she becomes "grace and glory".

revel in your true name -- it has been meant for you since before the beginning of time. continue to see yourself as He sees you.

you are a blessing.

Athena said...

Brin this is so beautifully written, really. You have no idea how well I understand this, I too have been through many a period in my life where I see myself as a "failure" or "disappointment", dreams dashed, life not turning out like you hoped.. although mostly due to unexpected long term illness. But there are always blessings around the corner even though sometimes it's hard to understand or believe. You have such a great attitude even when life gets too harsh. At least you have your health, that is the BIGGEST blessing! :)

There's nothing like going through deep hardships to make one very compassionate, kind, understanding, and loving towards others. I was before, but now always, always, thanks to my own disappointments. I think people who do not have those wrenching experiences, never quite fully learn to live like that.

*hug hug*
Athena

Patsy said...

I don't know who called you a disappointment but they need some help. You get knocked down and then get right back up. That is certainly not a disappointing person. God does love you, Brin, and He will never leave you.

Susan said...

Very beautiful

Although not a Christian I am a very spiritual person and one who often speaks to myself with this tone of disapproval, this label of disappointment ... instead of seeing flawless, perfect, loved and delight. Thanks Brin.

Adrienne said...

Well said, Brin -
None of us has any reason to call another disappointment. That's who we all were until HE reached down and picked us up and put HIS name on us. The name? Dearly loved, accepted, precious child of the Heavenly Father. You are a blessing and I appreciate your openness and the gifts and talents God has given you. If only I could express myself so well!
~Adrienne~

Chelsea M said...

That was beautiful and eloquent and true. Thank you.

I've enjoyed following along your journey and the peaks into your heart. Whatever God's plans for your life are, you are living each day to the fullest. Thank you for sharing your delight!

beautiful dreamer said...

Oh, Brin, I do not even know what to say.... Anyone who has called you, or thought you, a disappointment really must not know you at all...

kali said...

beautiful. it is a good thing when a woman can put to words what thousands of women can't communicate.

i know the word disappointment all too well.

thank you for sharing.

kali

Patty said...

Wow! Well said Brin! First off all quit listening to people who have no idea what you need or have gone through. And always remember God is the only one who will be around when everything is said and done. He will be there for you. Love ya.

scot7 said...

Brin,here is a saying that always helps me "NOT PERFECT!BUT FORGIVEN!!" WHENEVER I dont think I measure up i think of this.GOD BLESS YOU.

fairmaiden said...

Brin,

I saw a cute little one burner Colman stove for $25.00 today. If I lived near you I would have bought it and brought it right over to your doorstep. Also, do you have a rice cooker? They can be helpful with cooking. Enjoy this adventure of simplicity. <3Fairmaiden

Terri and Bob said...

My name tag would read: A Work in Progress, please Forgive.

Kathleen Grace said...

You can't know how this post moves me. With two daughters of my own (19 and 21) I have struggled with some of their decisions. As a mom I have "expectations". I have finally seen how my anguish over some of their growing pains equates to a lack of faith. They aren't me, they aren't as perfect as I want them to be (lets face it, I'M not as perfect as I want ME to be!) God will carry out his work in all of us and all I should offer to my children is my unfailing love and acceptance. nothing else matters.

FoundProdigalDaughter said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing this. It's so beautifully written and so meaningful.

wanderingbtrfly said...

Thank you, Brin. I'm so sorry that someone has made you feel that way, but thank you for posting it.