1. College did teach you something: ramen noodles are awesome.
2. Ten months without a haircut is bad. As in, wearing-hats-every-day bad.
3. You can spend all day in Barnes and Noble skimming ridiculous books like Lulu Meets God and Doubts Him and How It Feels to Be Attacked by a Shark and not feel the slightest bit ridiculous.
4. Insurance companies, the same ones who gave you free notepads and such when you had money, turn on you quickly. They even send rude letters. At least now you know who your friends are.
5. The same coupons you recycled six months ago are now like golden tickets.
6. In a recession, you can only invite your anorexic friends to dinner. Pals who eat like Paula Deen? You can't afford 'em, and they don't like ramen noodles anyway.
7. With movie theatres costing $9 a ticket, suddenly you find yourself watching your own movies. (When you bought Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, you never anticipated actually having to watch it.)
8. Quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies add up. And Coinstar is a ripoff.
9. Toilet paper rationing is pointless. Using only three squares per squat does you no good when you bawl into half the roll later on.
10. Gardening really does pay off. Also, there are 3,493,029 ways to eat homegrown broccoli. And after this stupid economy rebounds and you're back to recycling coupons, you will never eat broccoli again. With God as your witness.
11. You really were brainwashed. Paying $4 for a mint mocha chip latte is ridiculous.
12. Benjamin Franklin was an angel; public libraries are true friends.
13. Swiping all those hotel soaps and shampoos was a good idea.
14. Church potlucks are of God. And deviled eggs are of the devil.
15. Gas, no matter the price, is expensive. People who live in cities with subways and public transport? Smart.
16. Holidays and occasions that require gifts are way out of hand. Unless homemade gifts are acceptable. But still.
17. Oil lamps are really, really great. They are clean, inexpensive and nostalgic. Until they scoot themselves off the table and sling oil everywhere. Then they are scary, expensive, and a fire hazard.
18. Clotheslines rule.
19. Best friends are those who understand that you haven't had a paycheck in over four months and can't afford expensive meals, pedicures or cruises. Best friends are the ones who, instead of avoiding you until you're flush again, come over with popcorn and cocoa and announce it's time for DIY pedis while playing Caribbean music in the background. (Thanks, T.)
20. No matter how broke you are, you can always, always find money for dog treats.
Time to take a break. Be back soonish. -Brin