Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Meeting Myself

It seems to me we can
never give up longing and wishing
while we are thoroughly alive.
- George Eliot

When I was a girl, I always imagined myself growing up to be somewhat like this: I'd have long, wavy chestnut hair. I'd wear jeans with fraying back pockets and soft shirts - checked shirts -with buttons. I'd always have, I thought, a picnic table under an umber-colored oak. Whenever anyone came by my house - a cottage with extra chimneys - I'd have a book in one hand and a sweet apple in the other while my faithful pony, dog, and chickens stood alongside. The pony would be called Helen (after the old lady at church that looked like a horse), the dog Clever Trevor, and the chickens would simply be known as the minions of Cluckingham Palace. I would also, I imagined, have very white teeth and cranberry-painted fingernails and would sing and laugh a lot. Children would clamour around like me like I was the Pied Piper come to life.

And last, but certainly never least, I'd have a rusty old blue truck... or Jeep... with a static-filled radio that played Patsy Cline and the Beach Boys.

I'd forgotten all about it - all about who I was supposed to grow up to be - until I rounded a corner in Mexico this month and was met with this. This scene. It wasn't exactly deja vu... not really. It was more like a surge of wishes that flooded my brain and heart, simultaneously, with all the sparkly, staticky imaginings I'd had as a girl. My breath caught up within me and my heart began pounding as suddenly - all so suddenly - I thought of Helen the horse and white teeth and Patsy Cline.

I looked down. I had on frayed jeans. Red fingernails. Long brown hair. In my pocket was a small green apple and on my lips was a hymn I've sung since forever.

My gosh. I am one pony, dog, chicken, picnic table, blue truck and crowd of children away from being the girl I always thought I would be.

It seems to me, too, that we never can give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. George was right. Not as long as enough days pass to realize that we are, in fact, pieces of who we once thought we'd be. Even if only in a frayed jeans type of way.

Of all my moments on the lam this month, this was my favorite: the moment I rounded the corner and saw that blue Chevy. I met myself in Mexico. I remembered myself again. For that - and for so many other things - I will always be thankful. Thank you, Lord.


betty r said...

I loved your story Brin...oh the dreams we weave as a child!
I need to "wander back to my childhood and my dreams"..

bellacolle said...

Could the daydreams we have when we are younger be a peep into what is to come? Only Our awesome Heavenly Father knows! But you obviously did! It may not be how we want it to turn out... But how much better it is when it is how God planned it. You are soo sweet to share your life with us! I am so glad you had such a soul healing time!! You deserve it.

Penless Thoughts said...

Nice post. Made me smile :o)

Brambleberry said...

What a lovely way to see things.

I know in my own life, the me I thought I'd be is quite different from the me that God planned. But, it's so fun to get glimpses of pieces that remain...and the pieces that surface.

grace said...

Reminds me of Psalm 37:4...
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Sue said...

YOU, are the me I thought I'd be, so with each post I read here, I'm delighted in knowing someone is doing all the things I had hoped to do, and YOU are living a good life! I loved this story, thank goodness dreams are still free, there maybe time yet? lol

Mrs. JoAnne Mabey said...

ya got the crowd of kids.... ok well a couple of kids that do love to crowd at your feet. so they are on loan to you whenever you want. i will even feed and clean them for you!

Adrienne said...

Isn't it amazing where God chooses to put those corner for us to round and find ourselves? I rounded one in another part of Mexico a few years ago - and it changed my life. I'm not completely where I suspect that may take my sweetheart and I (he had a similar experience in another part of Mexico at a different time!) but God knows the future. It's incredible how He puts the pieces together - one.at.a.time. In HIS timing! ~Adrienne~

Paloma said...

Your pictures are so beautiful. They are very artistic.