Thursday, February 1, 2007

Botox and Bananas

Look, it's to the point where kids are getting Botox.
It's insane. We're not allowed to age.
-Rosanna Arquette

I was happily banging around in the kitchen this afternoon, making banana nut muffins and bread for a little roadtrip on Friday, when the mail lady, Junior, knocked on the door. (Yeah, I know. The mail lady's name is Junior. It's a small town. Go figure.) After exchanging muffins for mail, Junior and I said goodbye and she took her leave, leaving me to rifle through my little pile of letters.

About halfway through the stack, I nearly dropped my muffin. "BOTOX?!" I cried. "What in the world?"

Apparently a fine plastic surgery establishment out of Dallas has seen fit to send me a letter announcing its spring Botox promotion. And what further made me choke on banana crumbs was the first sentence of this darling letter. Here. Read if you can:


Catch that first sentence? My next Botox appointment? Am I reading that correctly? Is it implying I had a first appointment?

My muffin and I went and squinted into the bathroom mirror. Is any premature aging so present and noticeable that a plastic surgeon can spot it on me all the way from Dallas? Certainly not. No way. I'm only 27. I have no use for Botox! The fact that I wear large, "hollywood shades", (as Susan called them) and slather myself with Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty every night is supposed to protect me from the needle and botulism pit into which so many women fall.

I laughed when one of my best friends got a letter from AARP the other day. Now I wish I hadn't. My next Botox appointment, my foot.

Sure, maybe some of you are saying that once I hit my golden years, I'll be eagerly dialing the number at the bottom of my Botox letter, praying for an early appointment with a heaping helping of botulism for my droopy eyes. But I doubt it. Seriously. My Great-Grandmother, Mary, is 103 years old. She's the most beautiful woman I may have ever seen. And do you think she's making Botox appointments? Think not.

I want to age. I want to age gracefully, but still I want to age. And while I don't want the neighborhood children calling me "Old Miss Slip n' Slide", I want to wear my years and my experience proudly. Yep. Hold the Botox. I'll pass.

Besides, maybe I'll go the nutrition route to anti-aging. (Chuckle.) I go through a sack of carrots and a gallon of non-fat milk a week. And I bake banana muffins. Maybe that will work. To be sure, I'm baking a ton of mini muffins and mini loaves for a trip to First Monday Trade Days in Canton, Texas, on Saturday. (I'm baking them now because they are better the longer they sit, and hopefully all my friends and I will have to do is stumble through a Starbuck's Saturday morning and be on our way.) We are planning to brave the cold this weekend and wander through 3,000 vendor booths of antiques and crafts and yummy things. I couldn't be more excited. (If you can't make it, whip up some of these quick and delicious muffins, and have your own great Saturday.)

SOUTHERN BANANA NUT MUFFINS

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease muffin tin or loaf pan.

Lightly toast in saucepan:
½ c. pecans (or walnuts… whatever)
Chop. Reserve. You can skip this step if you’re short on time.

Mix together and set aside:
2 c. flour
2 t. baking powder
¾ t. salt
¼ t. baking soda

Next, in another bowl, cream until light and fluffy:
½ c. shortening
½ c. sugar

To that mixture, add:
2 eggs
Beat well.

Now in separate bowl combine:
1 c. mashed banana
2 T. milk or cream

Alternately add banana mixture and bowl of dry ingredients into shortening/egg/sugar mixture, beating just until smooth after each addition. Stir in nuts. Turn into greased loaf pan or muffin tins. Bake at 350 F. for 12-14 minutes, or until lightly brown, for muffins, or 45-50 minutes for loaf. Remove from pans and cool. Wrap and store overnight before eating. (These things really come into their own after sitting out. They aren’t nearly as good out of the oven as they will be tomorrow.)

While this recipe uses 3 bowls, it goes crazyfast (one word: crazyfast) and will beat anything you drag out of the bakery.

If you have leftover mashed banana, whirl it in the food processor with a tablespoon of uncooked oats. Smear it on your face and lie down for 5 minutes before rinsing off with warm water. While your loved ones will think you've lost it, your face will benefit from the banana facial's moisurizing effect and antioxidants. Plus, it's much cheaper than Botox.

Righty. Gotta go. Please help yourself to a muffin. I need to run this special letter through the paper shredder before I forget and my heirs find it among my personal effects....

(Don't forget: it's the last day to comment on the Happy 100th post before the yummy prize drawing tomorrow! Don't miss out!)

2 comments:

susan said...

I love the look of an older face with all of it's original character. A botoxed and lifted face says nothing to me...well, maybe it speaks of a certain type of vanity.

That said, I can understand why some chose to do so...it just isn't for me either.

Anonymous said...

Personally I love Botox and you would never be able to guess that I have it done just like 90% of the other women who look natural. It is way better than any over-promised cream. To me it is similar to having my hair cut/colored--just part of the beauty routine to keep my skin looking fresh. Don't get me wrong I still have a few wrinkles here and there but overall my skin looks awesome and Botox is probably the biggest reason.