Wednesday, April 7, 2010

If We Didn't Know How Old We Are

How old would you be
if you didn't know how old you are?
-Satchel Paige

If I didn't know how old I was turning tomorrow... (thirty-one years old, to be exact)... I would think I was twenty-four. Not sure why. But definitely twenty-four. My heart is stuck in that age.

I used to spend time thinking about such things. Things such as: If I woke up one day with no memory, what would I call myself? Where would I choose to live? What would I do for a living? Would I play the same instruments? Sing the same songs? Buy the same cheese?

Actually, I think I've figured it all out. I would call myself Ellie. I would live in the mountains. I would grow pumpkins and flowers and herbs. Or maybe be an archaeologist. I would play the guitar, sing hauntingly-melodic songs into the wind, and would eat Havarti cheese. Or maybe a good Stilton. But I would still have Millie. Ellie and Millie. Yes. That would all fit nicely.

I tend to get all thinky around my birthday. Do you do that? The day before April 8 comes and there I go, thinking. Whipping myself into quiet frenzies. My thinky, frenzied brain whispers: This is not where you thought you'd be at ___. How are you already ___ anyway? How can you be ___ and not have a child? What are you doing with your life, anyway?

But inevitably... ultimately... my heart stands up and crowds the noisy brain back into place. And thumping heavily with another year's experience, it pulses back: I am exactly where I need to be. I've lived this full and I've lived this well, and one day all these jumbled life pieces will fit together in a glorious, complete landscape. He will accomplish what concerns me.

Here's to another year of life. -Brin

36 comments:

Meredith said...

Happy Birthday!

MommaMindy said...

Beautifully written. May this year bring blessings from the Lord "exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20) so you can continue to bring Him the glory due His Holy Name. Happy Birthday!

Shelley in SC said...

A very happy birthday, Brin. You bring me a lot of joy here in Blogland!

Tara said...

Wishing you a blessed birthday tomorrow Brin!
It took me 50 years to finally REALLY let go and let God guide my life. I've always known Him, but always stayed at least one arm length distance from Him. So, I guess I would have to say the age that I am.
As far as energy, stamina, and memory....my 20's were good!
Hugs,
Tara

Kathleen Grace said...

I have a secret for you Brin, no matter how old you get you will probably still feel 24 inside. Only the outside really changes. I will be 52 this year (!) and I still feel 24 inside. I don't plan to let that girl get any older when it comes to innocence, laughter, goofyness, or letting her hair down and having fun. I hope you don't either. Happy Birthday, birthday girl:>)

Debbie said...

Let me wish you a happy birthday. My daughter will be 30 in October and is asking herself the same questions you are. Hope you two can meet in Jefferson in June; you can remind each other how fortunate you are compared to some others your ages. Ellie?
Debbie

Sue@CountryPleasures said...

Sweet birthday wishes are yours today Brin, you are a great gift!

Dorothy said...

Happy Happy early birthday wishes to you Brin! I so enjoy reading your blog. You are a very special "young" woman!
Blessings from Dorothy in Arizona

Jenn said...

Happy Birthday!

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday! :O)

Daughter of the King said...

Happy Birthday! Thanks for your post. I am turning 25 this year and i have been finding myself thinking alot of those thoughts that you talked about...thanks for the encouragement.

Raining Pearls said...

Happy Birthday! May the year ahead bring you lots of happy :)

Kimberly said...

such an honest post; I love it! :) Hope you have a great birthday and feel very celebrated.

I think most of us feel that we have not accomplished what we thought we would at our current ages. What comforts me is this: What God has put before me right now is exactly what He wants me to be doing unto Him. Nothing loftier or more "important", just what He has put in front of me. Not too deep, I realize but it does bring comfort. God can bring whatever circumstance He chooses for me to do next-the possibilities are endless. I'm where He wants me to be as I walk in obedience. :)

Blessings!

Sissy said...

I think I would be 24 too! I just don't feel 33. Not at all.

I used to tell my parents that I wouldn't wait to have kids as late as they did (my mom was 34 when she had me.) Ha. I can't have kids, and waiting to adopt is going take me into year 34, I'll bet. Sigh.

Susan said...

ahhhh ... how well I know the oft dreaded "thinky" brain. Happy Birthday !

patientmom said...

Happy Birthday to YOU!...it doesn't really matter how many candles are on your cake, it's all just a marker on your journey....enjoy every moment :)

redeemed diva said...

Happy Birthday, Brin! God's blessings on you this year and every year!

Ellie said...

Happy Birthday! And yes, I think Ellie is a great choice of name!
- Ellie in Toronto

Debi said...

Happy Birthday, Brin!

Vee said...

That's great! Have a wonderful birthday! (I've felt ancient all my life. That's not so great.)

Jeannie said...

Happy, Happy Birthday, Brin!!! :)

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I remember 24- 24 was pretty good looking back! Hope you have a wonderful day! Blessings, V.

Hollace said...

Happy Birthday. Your questions I ask myself, too,and I am a lot older than you! But I also love the verse, "He will accomplish what concerns me". I'm glad we have eternity to think about.

Lindy said...

Happy Birthday!

Sharon said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow..
I guess we can't go back but we can go forward and make the difference we want for the future. We have to listen to the good voice in our head that gives us hope and a vision for the future and not the voice that often condemns us and tries to make us feel like failures..And make the most of each precious day..

Honey said...

Happy Birthday!! I understand being stuck on a certain age. I am going to be 43 next month and I swear I am still 16. :) I guess it is good that we still feel younger. Hope your special day is lovely!!

guileys said...

Happy Birthday!!! I read often but hardly ever comment even though I enjoy it so much. Hope your day is filled with things that make you smile.

Morgan
(I am 24! :))

the lady of the house said...

Loved this Brin. Thanks for getting me "thinking" :) Happy B-day! Hugs, The Lady

Terri and Bob said...

I totally love birthdays. I feel like they are a gift from God. I never reminisce about them or get "all thinky" but I express my gratitude for the gift of life all the time!

Faith said...

I turned 31 on April 4 and am facing similar questions.... thank you for being honest and sharing. Happy Birthday!

TWT said...

Happy Belated birthday Brin!! Love what you had to say in your last paragraph. I think you've already accomplished a great deal in your young life -- I can only imagine what great things you will do with your future. Having said that,I don't think we have to make a big splash, sometimes small ripples over a long period of time have the greatest impact. Wishing you much joy. TWT

Cathy said...

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you...
Haaapppyyy Biiiirrrrthdayy Dear Brin....

Happy Birthday to you!!!!

May this year be filled with "enough"
Love, Cathy

Kerrie said...

LOL! Loved this post! I know how old I am, 67 but my mind says about 30-ha! I recently had a heart incident and the doc told me that I need to slow down for my age, what age? I still want to roller skate in the street-ha! Have a wonderful day, Kerrie

Denise said...

i'm 36 and to me "36 is the new 26!"

Vintage Girl said...

Wishing you a year ahead full of abundance and joy!! Blessings, Heather

pk said...

Happy to you and yes 24 is the year I and many others go to for some reason ! Enjoy your blessings and year ahead. Very happy for you and yours.