Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Garlic and Giving Up

Time to plant garlic again. I saved a few heads from this year's bunch and am now eyeing this new backyard. Where's the best place to put a little garden here? I'm keeping an eye on the shadows, taking note of where the sun shines brightest... and longest. Tomorrow I may begin to dig. All depends on the forecast, you see.

I have already begun a new compost pile; couldn't go a week without one of those. This year's garlic waste becomes next year's compost, and the cycle continues. I take great comfort in these cycles... useless becoming useful, old becoming new. Strange, but I do.

I'm finding it an enormous challenge to settle into this little house. I just typed a long paragraph explaining why, but then realized it sounded whiny and hopeless and would give certain people a little too much satisfaction, so I deleted it. But... yes. This has been a difficult move and I'm fighting to keep some semblance of hope and happiness about the place. That alone is a full time job.

Would you be terribly disappointed in me if I pulled the covers over my head and gave up for a few days? -Brin

33 comments:

My Life Is This said...

Brin, you sound so sad. Tomorrow is a new day - I know sometimes it's hard, I've been there, it gets better if you let it.

Lulu said...

hi Brin, praying tomorrow is a good day for you...Take out the needles and make yourself a pretty scarf for the coming season..
hugs and prayers dear Brin..

Trudy said...

Just give up for a few days to mourn that it is not exactly what you would choose. After letting go maybe some clarity of mind will make it easier to accept all the things that are disappointing.

Soon with all your touches, as you get to know every flaw it will be your haven. Have you read Welleran Poltarnees' "A House Blessing?"

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Brin, I just came back out of my cave after a few weeks of pure depression in the midst of life's turmoil. It felt good to "come back" to connecting with others, and I know it's the healthy thing. But, when you have to pull those covers up over your head, you just have to...Best wishes. C

Sue said...

Praying for you!

Becky K. said...

I don't believe you would stay down for days...Your spirit is too strong.
You have had a crazy year, though.

Maybe a trip down the history of your sweet blog would remind you of those things that have sustained you...they have inspired your readers!

Hope today finds a special blessing for you, Brin.

Becky K.
Hospitality Lane

vintage girl at heart said...

Hang in there... some of the roughest roads lead to the best ending!

Kathleen Grace said...

I believe everyone does that, gives in to pulling the covers over their head and mourning. But you can't let it get you all the way down. Look around, see what others are going through. It won't take long before you start to see your blessings. You have a little home, a hope, a future and God on your side. You have friends who love you and a job, and you have a lot of creativity, strength and intelligence. You'll come out of this rough time in time. Hang in there Brin, you have people praying for you, including me:>)

Sue@CountryPleasures said...

I've always found the hardest challenges to be the sweetest rewards. It sounds like this house needs you as much as you need it! Hugs!

Sissy said...

No, I would not be disappointed in you. We all need to do that sometimes, sit in bed and let the grumps work themselves out.

Shelley in SC said...

Yes, dear, we would be terribly disappointed if you gave up! "And He will establish you to the end, keep you steadfast, give you strength . . . God is faithful, reliable, trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promises, and He can be depended on!" Pull the covers if you must but don't, don't don't give up! We love you!

YogaGracie said...

Go buy or pick some fresh flowers, put them all over the place in your house (including next to the bathroom sink). Turn on some dance music (your favorite) and then decorate the walls with your favorite photos and images. And remember: This, too, shall pass...

Grace =) said...

Poor thing. I'm sorry to hear this move has been difficult. Praying you will soon feel better.
I completely agree with YogaGracie that you should go buy or pick some fresh flowers and listen to something beautiful. Something about seeing and hearing beauty always helps me feel better. And so does a chocolate chip cookie so make yourself one of those too. :)
See you in a few days.
Sending hugs your way!

Gracie :)

Rain said...

I'm sorry to hear this has been a difficult move. I find that when I allow myself to pull the covers up over my head I always come back out again. And I came back stronger and feistier. Don't forget to rest at His feet while your under those covers.
And maybe just create one small area that feels like home and leave the rest til you are able.
Blessings to you.

It's Jan! said...

I would, but only if you had forgotten to take a hot water bottle, some good reading and a flashlight with you.

The best part is that you recognize the challenge and try to work around it, not that you are ignoring it and are trying to plow through it as though it is not there.

We're all so proud of you!

Patty's Stitches said...

Brin,
Just wanted to say how much I love your blog (and your aprons)! You write with such honesty and it touches me. I wish I could write like that. You enjoy the simple things in life and that is so very important. I hope you receive some really special blessings!

Kristen said...

Hang in there, Brin! Better times are coming.

~Kristen

AnNicole @ OurSuburbanCottage said...

Can I just say that I can totally understand why you'd be feeling the way you are? From what I've read, you've been through A LOT in the past year or so...and especially in the past few months. Cut yourself some slack girl!

Some days just stink. Take care of yourself. Do some things that make you happy and feed your soul, and keep plugging along. But don't be too hard on yourself. We all have whiny days...or weeks...or sometimes months. I think you're amazing to do everything you're doing...so take a deep breath and plod along.

(Sorry for the loooong comment).

Karen Deborah said...

Nope. Sometimes we have to let a little pit stop be just that, it is a rental and it is temporary. Maybe you can just live there and keep being frugal which you have learned a lot about.
There is nothing like a good book, a candle and a good read in any place.
You will get settled, it takes time, especially when you left the Freeman house. That was a very special place to you. It's really Ok. You actually have a lot to feel sad about and if that would delight anybody they have real issues.
Maybe bake cookies?

tara said...

nah - go ahead - perhaps it is something you need. not the give up parts but the time away from all the distractions that are bothering you parts. I am in a funk too. I am sure you will see your way through this will a little or a lot of help from God. I am not always so sure about that myself - but try to get through the valley of the shadow of death. at least goodness and mercy are on our sides! hugs

MrsReaux said...

Go ahead and pull the covers over your head for awhile - but don't give up! Plus, it is fall now - the best time of the year :) Just think of how lovely everything is about to get, the beautiful leaves, the chilly nights, nice warm socks.....that always makes me feel better.

April said...

I really think one of the most dangerous things we can do to our soul is deny ourselves time to grieve and mourn over loss. If you don't allow yourself that, it WILL come out at some point, usually in unexpected ways. So, if you need some time to do that, I say go for it. Allow Holy Spirit to take the hurt and bind the wounds and strengthen you to get back on your feet. Given what you've shown us here, I doubt you would stay in that place of grief and mourning long-term, but for a short time it may be just what you need.

Susan said...

Yes, I would be disapointed. You moved into a new house, so? It's work, so? Suck it up and move on.

Find a spot looking forward and focus on it. Then suck it up and move on. Those were my mon's words and they'd always worked for me.

Ashley Schott said...

First, I have to say that the thing that keeps me reading your blog is your candidness. It's truly refreshing and I think you're great.
Second, I think hiding out and giving into depression is never healthy. Spend some time in joyful worship. Make yourself a treat, some pie, a cake, cookies, and talk to God the whole time. Then eat your treat and continue to talk to God. The mixture of something sweet and letting the one person who loves you above all should cheer you up;)

redeemed diva said...

It sounds like a day for that Hot Chocolate mix you love so much! If you need to stay under the covers, go right ahead. I'll wait for your next post. In the meantime, I'm praying for you

Amy said...

Wish you were closer. My little boy gives hugs that chase all the ickies away!

Have a hot fudge brownie sundae and don't worry about tomorrow.

scot7 said...

BRIN,ITS ALWAYS DARKEST RIGHT BEFORE THE DAWN! DONT GIVE UP!GREAT THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN YOUR LIFE YET! IM PRAYING FOR YOU,GOD BLESS YOU.

marymartha said...

Remember, butterflies emerge from coccons.
Take time to rest and re-create yourself.
God bless

Laura said...

Dear Miss Brin-

I can think of two times in my life, when I actually left a home we had moved into, within 24 hours of moving in.

It just ended up being wrong. If that is the case- no blame- no shame.You are young and you have choices.

You are a nurturer, house person, and you will know if it is right or not.

Laura

Antonella said...

Just be kind to yourself and cuddle with Millie.
Dogs have a way of being the most conforting!

may hugs

Jillie said...

Brin – The world has been a rough place the last year or so. Your plans and dreams were turned upside down. As with many of us, you have lost a lot. Of course you need to grieve. And everyone’s grieving period is different. It’s not a “one-size-fits-all.” If you ignore it or try to push it down, it will only take longer to work things out. So give yourself time to heal. If you find your current home isn’t for you that’s okay too. Sometimes the roof over our heads is just a short stay, to regroup and then venture down the road to find “home.”
I agree with several of the others here – find something that gives you comfort (flowers, chocolate, a good book, etc.) and be good to yourself.

Jessica said...

Brin, I've gone kicking and screaming through too many (and sometimes what I thought were unfair) tough times. But looking back, I have to admit, each one of those tough times were a gift from God and I wouldn't trade any of them. He taught me so much from them, I'm honored that he cared enough and knew I could handle it. There were times when all I owned, all I possessed, was my own breath. Don't you know, it taught me to be thankful for each and every breath! When we start there, it all comes into perspective. Enjoy the lessons!

Kerrie said...

I love your blog, it has a great depth to it! I love your aprons and rug and, and, everything! Ha! Kerrie