The Day I Turned In My 'Super Girl' Badge

It should have been one of those happy days. You know, those days when I drink coffee and watch red birds flutter around the feeder. When I walk the dog through swirls and gusts of leaves. When I drink hot coffee and pull warm cookies from the oven and rise to all occasions and prove once again how brilliant of a cookie-baker I have become.

It isn't. I've put myself on unpaid administrative leave. I've turned in my 'Super Girl' badge.

See, I'm supposed to be getting my bakery online this week. Which means I have to finalize the shipping menu (which differs from the local one). I have to photograph all the goodies. I have to upload pictures and write descriptions and contemplate policies and payment methods and delivery options. I have to order print materials. I have to call about bakery box shipments and ... how about that toll free number?... and... where in the world are those brochures? I used to think I was cool. And efficient. Coolly efficient. I used to think I was a Super Girl. Now I'm convinced: I'm not. Here. Here's my SG badge to prove it. You keep it.

It has been building to this all week. And it's only Tuesday. Last night, after 5 straight hours of sitting in the same exact position working on the same exact web page, I decided to publish the site and check it out. Just to see. After another frustrating hour I realized my domain name isn't held by the same company who publishes the website, which means I had to apply for something called a DSN transfer. Which means I needed verification faxes, security number emails and three authorization codes from both companies. I was on hold forever with people who officed out of underground tunnels and spoke Ethiopian. Or something. Who knows.

To be helpful, the website company representative finally sent me an email with a picture diagram of what I needed to do to instigate the retarded DSN transfer. That's it, at the top. "Afder dees ees done," the domain lady wheezed into the phone, "Eet weel dake EIGHD days do de dransfer."

Eight days? I felt all the blood drain to my toes. My toes felt very hot. "No. It can't be eight days. I could be dead in eight days. You have to do this now. Eight days is too late. Why does it take eight days? God created the world in six days and it takes y'all eight to transfer one little DSN?"

[Silence]

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'll get more codes. I'll get all the codes for everything in the entire world. I'll send more faxes. I'll ask God to send you a fax. I'll verify more emails. I'll sing. I'll sing authorization codes in an email. Anything. It just can't be eight days. "

[Pause] "Eem afraid ee don't undersdand."

Oh well. It's okay. It's all okay. I'll download and edit all the photography for the website. Cool. Only... Huh? Why is...? Where are the nearly 300 pictures I took of...? Please tell me they're still on here. Please tell me changing the battery pack didn't erase....

At this point, I said bad words. I'm not proud. I'm not saying it's acceptable behavior. I'm just saying. It's another reason why I turned in my Super Girl badge.

For all those lovely people out there who email me about advice on opening a bakery or starting your own business or publishing your own websites, blogs and stores... sorry. You came to the wrong girl. I think you might have been looking for a Super Girl, and as it happens, I turned in my badge yesterday.

So it does look like I'll be out most of the week. Not eight days, but a little while. I have two or three (thousand) things to see to. I'm already laughing now, but I know one day I'll look back on this week and groan and say, "Wow! But was it ever worth it!" I believe that. They say starting a business is like giving birth... the labor is a distant memory once you're holding your baby in your hands. So here's to my labor and delivery. And maybe one day, when this week is but a distant memory, I can reapply for that badge... [Grin]

(Seriously, I hope to have henrybella's online Thanksgiving weekend. It's a dream at least four years in the making! Thanks to all my family and friends who are giving their time, ideas and muscle to help build and grow this little venture. I love you more than words can spell. The first cookies are for you...)