Follow Maebelline and me around for the day and you'll see her act up or do something completely asinine. And soon thereafter, I promise you'll hear me threaten to send her off to the circus.
Guess what? This morning - this blessed April Fool's morning - I think I heard her tell me (from underneath a sea of blankets, so I can't be sure) - that I belong in a circus.
Of course, it could just be today. I have always been a little ... different ... on this day. I mean, my birthday is April 8. A week after April Fool's. When I was (a little) younger I wondered if April Fool's was invented a week before my birthday to warn the world I was coming. Teh heh. Now I KNOW April Fool's was invented to warn the world its prize fool was coming.
It didn't work out with the lawyer. At all. Not that I'm surprised. (Admit it. You aren't either. ) I've always said that I have the worst luck with guys, but last night, amid packing my circus bags, it hit me. Maybe I don't have the worst luck with guys. Maybe I'm like a circus mime in a glass dating box - I'm stuck here despite my efforts to break out. Or maybe I'm like the tight-rope walker. Question my single's position in life, and I'm dead. Or maybe I'm like the guy who takes care of the fancy elephants - doomed to get crapped on BIG TIME... forever.
April Fool's Sigh.
He had a lot going for him. Good job, good hair, cool house, similar values, etc., etc. But the first week we dated I fixated on something about him that bugged the living circus out of me. I tried to ignore it, but the longer I did the more wishy-washy and irritable I got. And before you know it, I was calling him last night to say that it just didn't... I just couldn't... maybe he could...
He was cool about it. I mean, he did say that I was "annoying". And he did allude to the fact that he's not over his ex-girlfriend (whom he dated nearly 2 YEARS ago). But hey. This "annoying" girl only cried for about an hour after the call. Then I spent several minutes practicing my best circus smile and trying to find a copy of Juggling for Dummies online.
I really hate dating. I hate the emotional circus that tags along with it. I hate the margarita and french fry binge that will inevitably come sometime today. And I hate pulling out my post-breakup waterproof mascara that only sees the light of day when my heart's been broken.
But enough self-pity and self-loathing. I have my holiday to celebrate today. And circus training to finish. Before all that, though, please excuse me while April's Fool makes a french fry run....