Friday, March 3, 2006

Would The Real PRIM Shady Please Step Forward?


I mean, enough already!

Perhaps you recall me mentioning a week or two ago that my life is lots of things - but rarely normal. Guess what? It happened again today.

Email is usually a happy place for me. I go there, catch up with friends, read about sales at the Container Store, and keep up with what's going on within the Dallas County Republican Party. You know, the usual. So the last thing I expected to see early this morning was 1.) a disturbing epistle from a person of questionable moral character who formerly resided in the town I grew up, and 2.) an email from the Dr. Phil show.


First, the epistle. It was written by this slimy guy I worked with for a total of 8 hours one summer in junior high before he got fired from the blueberry farm where we picked berries. Freak. I immediately responded to his ridiculous email with a response that would have struck fear in the heart of any morally inept, perv/psycho:

"What? Where in the world did you get my personal email address?".
He obligingly responded that it, along with some of my other personal information (unlisted cell phone number!) had been posted online.
I contacted the site administrator and threw a dignified fit. (A Laura Bush-ish fit. Not a Billary Rodham-Clinton-ish fit.) They had the information down by 6 p.m. Whew! I was pulling through... recovering nicely... from the email encounter with the psycho, when ... ah! A new email!
It read:
Hi Brin,

We are working on an upcoming episode called "Settle This Dispute" where Dr. Phil will be helping people settle one specific issue once & for all! We're interested in seeing if you would be willing to join us on the show as someone would like to resolve an issue with you.
Is this something you would be interested in? If you would like to be considered as potential guests on our show, please send a recent photo of yourself to my email address right away. Send your recent photo(s) as jpg files (or copy/paste them into the body of an email). After receiving picture(s) we will call for pre-interviews over the phone.

NOTE: This show is taping in Los Angeles on Thurs. March 9th. Would your schedule permit you to be considered to participate in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get your situation answered by Dr. Phil? (we pay expenses for all our guests including airfare, transportation in L.A., hotel & food but you would need to arrange your schedule accordingly!)

Jaime G******
Associate Producer
Dr. Phil Show


So... I guess it's official. Hunting season has begun. And I think I'm in season. I am apparently despised. Despised by someone SO BADLY that they would undoubtedly like to hit me over the head with a chair. Dr. Phil's chair. While Dr. Phil looked on. On national television.

I called one of my best friends, Lacy. "Lacy... who?? Do you know??? Would you have any idea?" I blurted into the phone. It wasn't her, she assured me. And to my dismay, my sweet friend, (whom no one would ever invite on the Dr. Phil show to "settle a dispute") started helping me guess. We threw out names. Yeah. I said namesssss. Even better, after we got off the phone she called me a few minutes later with another name.

On behalf of my despised self, let me offer a formal apology. To everyone - slimy former blueberry farm co-workers included - I'm terribly sorry for hurting your feelings so badly you would resort to calling Dr. Phil before looking up my unlisted cell phone number on the internet and calling me yourself.

And by the way, who are you? (Friends theorize it HAS to be someone who watches Dr. Phil. A guy I'm dating says that means it's either a bored girl or gay guy. Likely a girl. ) So I'm thinking... who do I know that's boring and depends on Dr. Phil to resolve relationship disputes??

Will the real Prim Shady please step forward?

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