Thoughts On My New Year

Spent some of New Year's Eve in the prayer tower, talking to God about the past year and asking Him about this new one. I want to believe that, in spite of all signs pointing to the contrary, He has great things in store for us this year.


I came to a startling realization the end of 2008. For the first time, I realized that God is not all about our happiness. Our wealth. Our whims. That God is not in the business of making His children successful or rich or happy. Rather, God is the business of fathering His children to maturity. He's more interested in seeing us conform our lives and ourselves into His image. Into the image of His Son. And like any good father who's trying to teach a willful, obstinate child, His lessons sometimes come at the expense of our comfort, our feelings, and our expectations.

Realizing this has changed my life. No wonder I felt so let down by God before! I was expecting Wonder God to fix all my problems, right all my wrongs and fill my soul with indescribable joy. Forget Daniel in the lion's den or those boys in the fiery furnace or Paul in prison, my life was supposed to be a worry-free Christian cruise. And when it wasn't, when heartbreak and trouble and annoyances continued, I wondered what I was doing wrong. Why I'd miffed God and forced Him away. As if my rebellion or grief or problems were too much for Him to handle. He is, after all, a bigger God than we give Him credit for.

But now I see. Now I see! Now I see that it was during those terrible times He was the closest. Now I realize that during that time I had His hand - even if it was leading me through valleys I'd rather not venture into and waters I'd rather not wade through. But His hand held me. It held mine tightly. And we're emerging now from that awful valley, God still my patient, loving Father, but me a stronger, wiser, less selfish child. And we still have each other's hands.

Yeah, now I see. Now these years make sense and sit more lightly upon my heart. And I'm more convinced than ever that God is good. That God can use messy, thrilling lives - even those as crazy as mine.


So I'm approaching this new year with a new spirit, almost. I taxied into 2009 with less baggage to catch up with and drag home. And it's unspeakably freeing. It's undeniably heart-lifting.

Happy 2009, all. It's going to be interesting. It's going to be good.